I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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