he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
