I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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