and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
