All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
