My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize