I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
