and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
