what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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