The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize