Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
