I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
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