You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
my god I love twenty year old dicks
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
