Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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