I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so explain again why im purple
no
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
