butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
