Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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