I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
