on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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