Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
