i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
