Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
