It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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