is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
