Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
