I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
