I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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