Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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