Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
