Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Randomize
