she woke up with a sticky ear
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
