He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
