She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
try to milk me bitch
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
