like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
A+ Viking dick
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
