She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize