My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
