Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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