I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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