I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
