You just made me feel so damn special
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
