you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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