She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
