Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
