Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
