i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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