Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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