I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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