i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize