She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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