Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
