the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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