I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm both gender and math confused
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
