So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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