At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
