Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
