sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
