how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
