I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
