I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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