The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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