Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
