Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
