I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
