Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
