so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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