i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
This house was built for laser tag.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
