Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
