You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
