sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i drank out of a bidet.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
