just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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