Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Even my vagina gasped.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
